Wednesday, 22 November 2017

Funny Thanksgiving Messages For Facebook‎ – Thanksgiving Day Jokes Quotes Wishes

Find here great collections of Funny Thanksgiving Messages‎ – Thanksgiving Day Jokes Quotes Wishes, Naughty Status, Adult Greetings Images.

Funny Thanksgiving Images 2017

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Funny Thanksgiving Messages

Alice B. Toklas: What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen.
George Carlin: We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
Mitch Hedberg: I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, ‘man, just be yourself.
Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary: Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
Ellen Orleans: I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.
Kin Hubbard: A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
Erma Bombeck, No One Diets on Thanksgiving: What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?
Cornelius Plantinga, Jr. : It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful ‘in general.’ It’s very strange. It’s a little like being married in general.
Alton Brown: That’s the ultimate goal of most turkey recipes: to create a great skin and stuffing to hide the fact that turkey meat, in its cooked state, is dry and flavorless. Does it have to be that way? No. We just have to focus on what the turkey is and what the turkey needs.
Ted Nugent: If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed — like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.
Russell Baker: It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with ‘gourmet’ status.
Jim Davis: Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.
Jon Stewart: I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Johnny Carson: Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.
Anonymous: May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
Mark Twain: Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for — annually, not oftener — if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians.
Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man’s side, consequently on the Lord’s side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments.
John Baillie: The very fact that a man is thankful implies someone to be thankful to.
Erma Bombeck: Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
Rita Rudner: My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Ellen Orleans: I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the ‘history’ I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America’s traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it’s a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.
Charles Lamb: Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.
Irv Kupcine: An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
Arnold Schwarzenegger: I love Thanksgiving turkey… it’s the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.
Kevin James: Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.
Mike Connolly: Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.
P. J. O’Rourke: Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

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